When Tonya emailed us to design and create her Easter dress, we felt honored to be chosen as her designers. The more she shared with us what this dress meant for her, the more she confirmed our belief that clothing can hold memories, our identity, and it can help heal us. Read below Tonya's story and her journey in reconnecting with her Salvadoran roots, honoring her family’s sacrifices, and creating a future where her children can proudly embrace every part of who they are.
THE QUESTIONS I COULD NEVER ANSWER
For the past fifteen years, I have been trying to piece together a long-lost puzzle, a mystery, so to speak, that was only spoken of sparsely under the breath of my family, and I couldn’t see the bigger picture, nor was anyone going to paint the picture for me.
Why is it that I don’t know Spanish, yet when I take Spanish class in high school, my accent is on point! Why is it that when my high school Spanish teacher introduces to the class Juan Luis Guerra, I know every word to the song, yet I have no idea who this artist is or the song? Why do I LOVE tropical fruit and cashews?
I am extremely artistically inclined, just like my mother, and I have an obsession with colors, which some would say is too much. I was such a picky eater as a kid, but I LOVE fried bananas with crema and frijoles, and yet I was only “introduced” to it when I was ten?
There was a small part of me that I just didn’t understand, and I never knew why I could never fit in! I always thought it was just because, when we moved to Arizona from Pennsylvania when I was 9, I was too country to be “white” and I was too white to understand the Mexican kids.
A DRESS THAT MEANT MORE THAN FASHION
My story is unique, like the custom [Descalza] dress that I had made for me this Easter. I am very excited to share a little piece of my story and my dress with you.
My name is Tonya Ramos, and I am married to my amazing husband, Juan Ramos, and we have seven children (yes, seven). My husband is Mexican, and I am half Salvadoran and half American.
This year is such a special year for me. This Easter, both my eldest daughter and my youngest son received a sacrament during the Easter vigil. My eldest daughter received her first communion, and my son was baptized before the bishop of Arizona at our local parish with my amazing cousin and her fiancé as his Godparents.
This was such a special occasion for me that I decided to do something special, something as a mom of seven would never do, treat myself, and splurge.
I had been eyeballing a specific clothing line called Descalza for some time and decided to reach out to see if they could make me a special custom dress for this very special occasion! And boy did they deliver!
THE BEGINNING OF A NEW CHAPTER
You see, this Easter is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, a new chapter of healing, of reconnecting with my roots, of seeing the truth of my past.
Like I said before, my history is unique, and I cannot hide the fact that I am extremely fortunate.
When my father met my mother, he was a young, strong US Marine stationed in El Salvador right after the civil war in ‘92. My mother was this bombshell beauty that, honestly, my dad couldn’t deny! And after 8 months of dating, I came about! Of course, me being a happy accident, my mother could have done what any independent, educated, classy woman would have done and made a choice to choose her life over mine, but instead, she did the honorable thing to sacrifice her future to be a mother. My father could have chosen to live his life without being involved in mine, like any young, strong, handsome man with a bright future ahead of him could have chosen to do, but instead, he did the honorable thing and decided to be a father. From that extraordinary decision from both of them, lucky me was born!
My mother flew to the United States, got married to my father, and had me right there in the small town of Coudersport, PA. A world FAR from my mother's home country, family, and friends, and for the longest time, that was the end of the story for me.
I am an American, with the name of Tonya Russell, who was born in Coudersport, Pennsylvania. You can’t get any more American than that! Right?…
Wrong.
FINDING BELONGING THROUGH MY COUSINS AND TIOS
We moved to Arizona when I was nine, and it wasn’t until my amazing (and honestly iconic) tios moved to the United States from El Salvador and brought over my fabulous cousin with them, Fabiola, that I felt this level of comfort and security.
Man, when we were together, we were a force of nature! Inseparable! To this day, she is still my best friend/sister/cousin/comadre! And it was through them that more pieces of my story came together. Stories of my uncle bringing me to his work! He was the sports news broadcaster, and my tia was the main news anchorwoman, very high class, let me reiterate, iconic. Not only are they my tios, but they are also my godparents from baptism.
THE HOMELAND I HAD FORGOTTEN
I was baptized in El Salvador! And THAT'S where the missing piece was. Right after I was born, my mother decided to move back to El Salvador, and she took me with her! We lived there for two to three years. I spoke Spanish, and I ate a free donut every morning from Mr. Donut because the ladies thought I was the cutest baby in the world. I said my prayers, in Spanish, with my mom every night, which to this day I remember and is one of my first memories.
My first word was chocolaté because I loved the little chocolate soccer ball candies. I had a little baby blanket that I absolutely loved and could not sleep without. I loved cashews because my abuelo had a cashew tree in his backyard.
All my life, these chords of memories would play in the back of my head, memories from a forgotten homeland, and I just thought I was having an identity crisis!
HOW A TRIP TO MEXICO RECONNECTED ME TO EL SALVADOR
It wasn’t until my husband and I decided to go to Cancun, Mexico, for our honeymoon that truly made this blind woman see. I was so jealous of my husband’s Mexican heritage, of the beauty of Mexico, and its history, that I decided to investigate my Salvadoran side.
It was then that I realized I had so much unresolved trauma from moving BACK to the United States when I was 3 that I had normalized a level of discomfort and insecurity of going from one culture to another.
From a tropical paradise to the beautiful forest, a culture shock at the age of 3. I forgot Spanish, learned to speak with a twang, forgot everything about El Salvador, replaced my blanket with a Barney stuffed animal, and never went back until I was fifteen, with my mom, after my parents' divorce.
It was then that I saw the beautiful colors of La Palma, Fernando Llort, the beach, the hammocks, and that I recognized another side of myself! And even then, unappreciative American 15-year-old Tonya didn't understand the importance of that trip as I do now.
LEANING ON FAITH FOR ANSWERS
There was a time when I was angry. I was angry with how my life played out when I was so young, with my parents trying to make the best decision with what they had.
But I’m Catholic. And like any Catholic with big life problems, I ran to Jesus and asked why? Why did you allow all this to happen? And through a lot of prayer, I realized just how lucky I was.
Before Bukele, El Salvador was a dangerous place to live, to the point where my mom doesn’t like to talk about the traumas she went through, the trauma my family went through. Not only that, I moved back to the United States so that my family could be reunited, both my mother and my father together.
EMBRACING MY PENNSYLVANIA SIDE
I got to live with my father, my actual biological father, and a great father at that! My dad was amazing. He still is to this day. I could not have asked for a better dad; his hometown? It's straight out of a Disney movie. Talk about Bambi on steroids!
I couldn’t have asked for a better place to have been raised, with my family together in a small house in Coudersport, Pennsylvania. I’m appreciative that I met my dad‘s side of the family, my family, and his culture.
Even though it was hard to understand my mom and the culture of El Salvador, because it’s just so foreign to them, they still accepted me and loved me as their own, and that’s something that I will always be grateful for.
A TACO, A PUPUSA, AND A BLACKBERRY PIE
So now, as a mom of seven kids, a wife to an amazing husband, I realized I need to make a new future for both myself and my children. A future where I will reintroduce this beautiful and amazing culture of all three places of origin, Mexico, El Salvador, and the United States.
I want my children to know how to speak Spanish and to eat a taco al pastor, un pupusa con queso y loroco, and, for dessert, a homemade blackberry pie. I want my children to visit their family in El Salvador, to visit their family in Mexico, and to visit their family in Pennsylvania.
A DRESS THAT WOULD MAKE MY ANCESTORS PROUD
That is why for me this Easter was so special and important. I had to get a dress made specifically by the hands of a salvadoreña, made from fabric from El Salvador.
I wanted something authentic, something natural, resourced responsibly. Something that, if my ancestors looked down, they would cry with happiness to see a great, great grandchild of theirs proud of her heritage, proud of where she came from, how far she's come, a shining star in the sea of lost shadows.
By the end of the Easter vigil, my tios, my mom, my dad, my children, my husband, my family, were so proud of the dress that I was wearing, to be a part of this beautiful journey I’m going through.
I am so excited to see what the future has in store for me, and this will not be the last you hear of me. I will be returning to the Descalza for more…
If you're interested in having a custom piece made, like Tonya's, email us at hola@descalza.co
